Long time no see Dear, here's why:

monday 24 oct. In the evening I confess to my mother that I supposedly have candida albicans. Candida is a fungus that grow between the head and body of the penis and regularly discharges white lumps. I tell her that it smells. I put on a record by Death in June. Half an hour later I am with our hippie doctor and tell him I already have it for 5 years. Impossible he says, "this is an ordinary phimesis". I see the light, I have come across this disease in my physionomic atlases.

saturday 29 oct. In the diagnostic center I meet with doctor L, a kind man. Phimosis is just like schisis a born deformation where the foreskin of the penis cannot be withdrawn. I had always found it very strange to see men with the head of the penis naked. The white lumps were smegma turned hard. This phimosis dominated 5 years of my life, but I am glad I had it. "Shall we operate on monday?" the doctor asked me. I agree, the sooner the better.

monday 31 oct. At 8.20 am I am at the St; Elisabeth Hospital. Then I notice I have to go to the Holy Heart Hospital. Once in my room I set up my turntables and the microphone, cassete player and a synthesizer, and I have to complete a list of questions. Around half past nine I get a sedative shot. About an hour later I'm driven through a maze of hallways to the operating theatre. It's cold there and I'm shaking.

I regain consciousness in a small room. I notice a fierce pain in my crotch but I cannot imagine I'm operated already. I sleep, I wake, I'm taken back to my room. A nurse comes and removes the blanket to check my crotch, that it doesn't bleed too much. I can only see a large pool of blood. On my penis (or what is left), I see about 10 bandages, bloodstained. The sheets are covered with blood. I wonder why I haven't chopped it off all the way. The night nurse comes to check my crotch every several hours. She's very nice, always smiling.

tuesday 1 nov. In the morning I get new bandages around my penis for the first time. I still don't know what's going on, too tired to watch and miserable. The wound is filled with pus. My penis is swollen and looks like a catfish. This is the first time I see the head of a penis, the foreskin is still pulled backwards. I read and write 20 pages in my notebook. On the wall is a Jesus taped to his cross. My penis is also taped. I smile.

In the evening my parents come to visit me. They brought 3 donuts and some mail, 2 excellent letters. There's a funny smell in my room and my parents leave after 20 minutes. My father shakes my hand. My mother smiles.

Since I'm no good with computers and all that digital stuff I recorded my experience onto a C-90 audio-cassette. I thought you might like to hear it.

Your pal,

Carl Cryplant.

******************************* playlist *******************************

Sex Alarm by Siren masterslaved with Fuck the Pain Away by Peaches beaten on the beat with C'mon Fuck Me, a mashup of Fatboy Slim vs. Simian vs. Disco D ft. Princess Superstar by Dj Zebra overlapped with Naked Lunch by Howard Shore and Ornette Coleman overlaid with Fucking in Heaven by Fatboy Slim masterslaved with Rasputin by Boney M whipped on the beat with Sex Machine by Mya dropped in with Ca Bitch Pour Moi, a mashup of Plastic Bertrand vs. The Prodigy by Devolve again dropped in with Es ist Geil ein Arschloch Zu Sein by Christian aka Der Nominator beaten on the Aus with Detachable Penis by King Missile faded in with The Body Rules by Jesse 'the Body' Ventura faded in with The Lady is a Punisher by Somnabula beaten on the beat with My Cellmate Thinks I'm Sexy by Cletus T. Judd tightly fitted with Sit on My Face by Monty Python.

******************************* comments *******************************

AnCo: Please, STOP sending me unwanted mails.

RaBa: carl don´t cry,
i would mayby like to use the praise you song for the show. where can i get it? and the other stuff?
Carl: boys don't cry ;)
tell me what tunes u want and they will mysteriously appear in your hands sometime soon.
RaBa: i like the praise you with krishna and rama , it´s great!
can it possibly magicly unexpectedly arrise before tuesday?
thanks a lot..
if you wanna take part in some happy hippi happening, you have to come to the italielei 63 tomorrow at 15.oo. dress in one colour only, it´s johannas birthday and we´re gonna make a movie.
you are welcome to bring an instrument.
Carl: thank you my dear :)
ooh, it looks like you are in great need.... i will see what i can do.
oh gosh, i'm too shy for that kind of thing. i prefer to stay in my shack next to the railway track. my only friends are two turntables and a microphone, cassette players and some synths. we party a lot and sometimes we sit down and cry, cry cry cry 96 tears. vel vel vetrivel - sutri vandhu emmai kaakkum - subramanya vel.

IgVaIn: Purple haze is in my brain, Carl!
Carl: well someone has to do the dirty deeds and someone has to smoke the wacky weeds....